Unique. Individual. Unhindered. Free. Honest. Undivided. Whole.
These are just a few of the words found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary for the word "single."
I just wanted to take a moment and honor my single sisters who embody this definition in a beautiful way. You are strong. You are resilient. You refuse to jeopardize your integrity and anointing in order to be in a relationship that doesn’t honor Christ. You stand unhindered, with a bold commitment to freedom and unwavering compromise. Your status is whole. Your status is unique. Your status is unbroken.
A few weeks ago I was talking with my mom on the phone about that story in the Bible when Jesus asks the lame man, “Wilt thou be made whole?” While this story speaks of someone in need of healing, I believe that there's an opportunity for all us to accept the invitation of wholeness. This revelation hit me like a bolt of illuminating light: Single means whole. And God is asking many of you if you're willing to truly be whole and complete in Him. First for yourself, unhindered and free in all that He's made you to be. And then, in preparation for your future spouse. I know that Valentine’s Day may highlight feelings of loneliness for some, but the truth is that you are not deficient or broken or needy in any way. You are whole. You may not be where you thought you’d be by this age or in this season of your life, but it’s important to shift your mindset from "single" to being "whole." There is so much beauty and opportunity in your current season, and so many things I wish I could tell myself about this years ago...
During my season of singleness in college, I was totally guilty of boycotting Valentine’s Day, referring to it as Single's Awareness Day, wearing all black in protest with another girlfriend of mine, and really just rolling my eyes at the entire concept of such a "commercial holiday." Yet if I were being honest, seeing everyone around me in a relationship while I wasn’t made me feel alone, unvalued and highlighted the relationship that I didn’t have and really hoped for. But something shifted on my final Valentine’s Day as a single woman. I was in the midst of a season of isolation (you can read more about that here) and had stripped away every weight that was hindering me from intimacy with Jesus. From dependence on outer beauty to toxic relationships, everything that I held my identity in was removed and I was discovering true wholeness in Christ. That Valentine’s Day, I remember that I finally got to the place where I was sincerely good with being by myself. I valued myself, my time, my standards, and actually wanted to just have a fun evening with some friends from college. So we all got dressed up, went to a seafood restaurant and honestly had one of the best evenings laughing, enjoying our sisterhood, talking about God‘s faithfulness, and looking forward to the future. I remember that being such a pivotal moment of embracing my season and recognizing the value of community and friends. Little did I know that within 4 months, I would be engaged to the love of my life...someone who I'd known all my college years and never really saw as "my type" but was actually everything I wanted, needed and more. A ring on my finger, a heart open to receive true love, and the capacity to sustain it because I was not looking for someone to complete me and was whole with just me and Jesus.
I believe that God is extending an invitation to wholeness for you today. On the outside, you may be putting up a front like everything’s cool but secretly you may feel discouraged, hopeless and flat out tired of this season. But I want you to know that this isn’t forever. Seasons do change. And you are developing into the woman that God has created you to be. Don’t give in to the temptation to throw in the towel and give in to compromise. You’ve waited too long and come too far to give up now. And let’s be honest, you and I both know that if you wanted to you could easily be in a relationship right now. But you know that settling is not an option. And God’s perfect will for you’re life is worth standing for. Your purity is worth protecting. Your heart is worth guarding.
It is my prayer that something within this blog post today resonates with you and brings encouragement, hope and most importantly a new perspective on your current season of life. I wrestled with whether or not to write and post this but it kept coming up in my heart. This may not be a word for everyone, but I have a feeling that it’s a word for someone special. A woman who will accept the invitiaton to be made whole in every sense of the word.
Sending love and praying God continues to speak to you throughout this day,
Here are a few resources on love and relationships that I HIGHLY recommend and hope will encourage you as well. I included a few blog posts and videos from my archives as well:
Levi Lusko's book Swipe Right
Transformation Church: Relationship Goals Series
Literally, PLEASE watch all of the videos in this series. Thank me later :)
Real Love: My Love Story
I wrote this blog post to explore the topic of physical attraction when selecting a spouse. Check it out!
So you've made the commitment to wait for your spouse and not compromise your purity or integrity along the way. But what do you do now? This blog bost gives your 4 keys to maximizing your season of singleness (AKA Wholeness!) ;)