The Attractive Factor: What To Do While You’re Waiting For the One

You’re single. You know you want to get married but haven’t found “the one” yet. You trust that God has someone out there for you but have no idea where and when you’ll meet them. So, what do you do while you’re waiting? How can you make the most of your single life without feeling lonely and desperate for a relationship? Here are a few tips:


Seek God & His Kingdom

The best thing to do while you’re waiting is draw near to God and seek Him with all your heart. Think about it. This is the one time in your life where you have total freedom over your time! Get lost in His presence. Spend time in the word. Build your faith through listening to bible teachings via podcasts and other audio/video avenues. Learn to hear and heed the voice of God. Pour out your heart to Him and allow Him to restore you in every area so that you are whole, not waiting on someone to come and fulfill you. The best, most-fulfilling love comes only from God. Every other love relationship aside from Him is icing. He’s the cake.

Discover you

If you don’t know your purpose, dreams, goals and desires, now’s the time to find out! So often people go through middle school, high school, college and beyond jumping from one relationship to another and neglect to discover who they are by themselves. Don’t be afraid to be alone! Now is your opportunity to realize your dreams and goals and discover your purpose in life. Spend time by yourself. Don’t worry about going on dates all the time. Date you! Learn about your family history. Discover who you are and where you’re going. Write down your vision and keep a journal of what the Lord speaks to you. That way, when someone does come along, you can see if your purpose and vision lines up with theirs.

Become the spouse you want

Most singles, especially ladies, write out a list of all the things they want in a spouse. (Be honest ladies, you know you did!;) ) I want a husband that is tall, athletic, funny, smart, financially sound, loves God, protective, loyal, affectionate... And the list goes on. And on. And on. That’s a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but what about listing all the characteristics that YOU want to bring to the table? Marriage is about giving, so ask God to show you areas of growth and how you can become the spouse that your future spouse will need. You want to have a husband, ladies? Begin acting like a wife.

Maximize the moment

Like I mentioned earlier, this is the one time in life where you are able to do things according to your own time schedule, so carpe diem! Don’t allow the enemy to steal this precious time from you by keeping you focused on what you don’t have. You may not be in an awesome relationship with the man or woman of your dreams but don’t think of it as lost time! This season is a gift. I remember being single and wishing I was married. One day at a church event a lady spoke to me and said that I must spend as much time as I could with God because when I get married and become a mother I won’t have the same amount of time to devote to Him as I do now. That word was spoken to me 6 years ago, and let me tell you, now that I have crossed over into that season, I know that what she said is true. So maximize the moment! Commit to an area of service in your church! Travel! Write a book! Record a CD! Seek ways to give back to your community! Develop and achieve financial goals! Start a business! You don’t have to wait until you’re married to begin living your dreams and experiencing joy! It’s available NOW! I have a friend that’s in her late 20’s and isn’t married. She’s written a book, traveled the world through missions trips and more, speaks at conferences, produced a TV show, committed to leadership and service in her church, and the list goes on! She’s not waiting for a man to come into her life for her to start enjoying it! She understands that Jesus has a purpose for her single life and has maximized this moment in her life. You can too!

Walk in the Spirit

So let’s face it, you have the desire to be married but it hasn’t happened yet. Which means you have the desire to love and be intimate with someone, but now is not the time. Let me encourage you, you can remain pure in thoughts and actions if you walk by the Spirit (see Galatians 5:16). How can you stay pure? By living according to and being governed by God’s word (see Psalm 119:9). Not in your own strength and righteousness, because how many of you know that good intentions are a weak foundation to lean on? It takes extreme discipline to keep your desires under subjection! You want to do the right thing, and God understands that. Ask Him to help you during this season and He will. Even if you failed in the past, you can win in the future.

I heard Pastor Steven Furtick recall the scripture that says, “Without a vision, people cast off restraint” in reference to single life (see Prov. 29:18). If you don’t have a vision and hope for your future marriage, it’s easy to cast off restraint and start settling for whatever you can get in the moment. Don’t settle for cheap counterfeits when God has the real deal in store for you.

As you guard your heart (i.e. avoid love scenes, be selective about dating/friendships with the opposite sex, guard what you allow your eyes to see and ears to hear, avoid love songs, etc...), live according to the word, maximize the moment, seek God, become the spouse you want and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, you will live a single life of true freedom.


So tell me, what are you doing while you’re waiting? How are you maximizing this time in your life? Feel free to share information about your church, business, organization, etc. and see how others are enjoying the single life!

Emonne Markland: Leave Your Beauty Mark

For more information on The Attractive Factor series, check out these posts:

The Attractive Factor: What Role Should Physical Attraction Play When Choosing A Spouse?

The Attractive Factor: A Bride for Isaac (Video)