It's been quite a while since I've laid pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard really) and I wanted to take some time to express my heart, and why I'm deciding to end my unintentional blogging hiatus...
For the last two years, the Lord has been taking me through a process of heart examination and transformation, placing a spotlight on the areas of my heart that need to be cleaned, purified and softened. Amidst this process and my fast-paced schedule as a wife/mom/full-time TV producer, I've found myself experiencing levels of testing that I've never experienced before. Last year, my biggest test was fear (which I will write more about in a later post). Now, I'm not just talking about basic phobias, but a paralyzing fear that sought to steal my joy and nearly brought a holt to the vision God gave me to birth my first conference, 20/20. It was a year-long battle that I was not expecting, and as the weight of pressure was put on me, I realized how spiritually out of shape I was and that I needed to strengthen myself in the Word quickly. There's so much more I could say, but I want to save it for a later post so I'll leave it here. (Be on the lookout for my post on fear: FROZEN).
This year after seeing God's faithfulness in my family life and the completion of His vision for the 20/20 LYBM conference, I found myself experiencing another new test: discouragement. I experienced loss as my step father-in-law passed away, discontentment in certain areas of life as I awaited the fulfillment of promises, and more. As I've continued to push forward and sow of my time and energy in obedience to God's call, something inside felt numb. The passion...the fire...the feeling of life deep within seemed gone. And instead of feeling paralyzed by fear, I now felt like I was drowning in discouragement. Waves of sadness would come over me out of nowhere and I'd find myself crying for no apparent reason. God's voice seemed dim and infrequent, something I'm really REALLY not used to. I've spent my life in God's house from a young age, serving, devouring my bible, and hungering for His presence. And yet in this season, even after fasting and prayer, nothing seemed to lift....until I began to speak the word of God aloud and bind the spirit of discouragement.
I remember sitting in my car during one of my lunch breaks and reading Psalm 119 on my YouVersion bible app with tears in my eyes. I had to shift my focus away from my roller coaster feelings and onto faith in God's never-changing Word. As I drove back to the parking lot, I decided to break the silence and boldly declare God's truth over my life and my soul. I began to speak against the discouragement and intimidation, and break it's hold off of my life, renouncing all of it's authority and releasing peace and joy in my heart. Now, I didn't feel like saying or doing any of this, but I knew it was time to kick my feelings to the curb and take authority over the situation in my heart. And let me tell you, it worked. After months of feeling discouraged, I began to arise out of it and breathe easy again. The internal waves of sadness were held back, and I discovered the key to living in victory in these areas.
So today, I've decided to break the silence. I've decided to speak up again. I've decided to use my voice to share what I know is true, and not allow discouragement, fear or intimidation to keep me silent. If you have read this post and feel any way like I have expressed in this post today, I want you to know that there is freedom available for you. Even though you may not feel brave or feel qualified or feel important, God says that you are. Let's stop giving our feelings so much credit and move forward with what we know to be true.
Will you join me in breaking free from the silence?
Leave Your Beauty Mark